Too Much Information??

I am not one to mince words. Nor do I suffer in silence, ha ha! So today I am posing questions concerning major changes in my Half Century Body.

First of all, the gray hair is multiplying. Its OK since I have been coloring my hair as far back as in high school. I used to gather at my friend Karen's house and we experimented. One time we tried to put henna in our hair. Both of us have dark hair, well, according to memory it was dark. So henna was a failure since it really didn't show up. Afterwards when I tried it at home, I thought my mother would kill me while I was using it because I caused some henna stains on the wallpaper and no real evidence of it doing a thing to my hair.

Then one time we tried using hair painting which was what they called highlights in the 70's. This became disaster number two because if I recall, we bleached part of her mom's bath towel. Nothing like an Italian screaming at you except my Jewish mother screaming for similar atrocities to her bathroom. Ok, no more experiments and no more mad moms!

Today, I try to very carefully color my hair using a salon (expensive but the gray is totally eradicated) or by the box from the shelf put on with some help from my husband. This method is cheaper but the color is not consistent and I end up with the gray showing itself earlier. But why is the gray overpopulating itself in the first place? I am about 80% gray in the front and it proceeds over my scalp to about 30% in the back. And its WHITE not really gray so that it does not take up the color well at all! If it was over the entire surface, I might be tempted to allow myself to go all white. It can be very pretty like my Mom-Mom's hair was. But no, it is in shocks like Cruella DeVille and maybe my younger boys will oft like to compare me to, I am not into cartooning myself.

I can reconcile myself to using hair color products, that is minor. This brings me to my second inquiry. I am not happy with, shall I be tactful, leakage. Yup, having a problem there. If I sneeze, cough, laugh or even cross my eyes, I need to run for a bathroom. I tried cutting back on fluids, lowering my caffeine intake (that really hurt) and watching my sugar ingestion in case I may be pre-diabetic. Being diabetic can be a possibility as it runs in the family and this causes extra output of urine due to sugar spilling over into the bladder. TMI yet folks? You have no idea! I have taken to carrying extra underwear in a ziploc . . . just in case. It beats going around commando! Poise is no longer a term used in describing good manners but rather what I might to buy instead of pads! Depends cannot be far behind but I am not going there for many years yet . . . I hope!!

The third thing I am dealing with is the snap, crackle and grind of my joints. My scoliosis has gotten worse. My knees are louder than my husband's snoring. My elbows crack, hips pop and back is all-around losing ground. My feet hurt even when I am not standing. Can we say Arthritis? Guess so! Why? I have been pretty good with exercise. Ok, so lazy is a major term in my lexicon, but I try. I walk when I can, swim at the YMCA and I do lots of handwork like knitting to keep my hands from tightening up. So why do I make such noises after getting up from the table? I am grunting and groaning and no sex is involved!

Which brings me to another subject! I have already had my introduction to menopause much earlier than my contemporaries because at age 42 I had both ovaries removed prophylactically to help reduce my cancer risk. The hot flashes are not as bad anymore. I can layer clothing with the best of them and Larry has gotten used to sleeping with being alternately frozen and burning up depending on the position of the window and/or blankets.

But what about this "being in my prime" horse manure? And if I am in my "prime" why didn't it come with a younger man to take advantage of it? Oh, I get paid attention to very well. And I will attest to practicing saying, "Cuddling is so much better now! I really enjoy it and it replaces hot sex. After all, we are older now." Do I really believe what I am espousing? Yes, to some extent. But I kind of miss it. Safe sex has changed its meaning. It is safe as long as nobody moves the wrong way and pulls a muscle or pops a joint! Funny how meanings such as that change with age.

I have changed as well. No amount of skin creams or magical herbals or yoga will erase the timelines. It will not turn back the clock. I will attempt to grow old gracefully but whining and kicking the whole way. As long as my inner child never grows old.

Love and hugs,
Beth

The "Brady Bunch" is Definitely a Hoax or A Blended Family Takes Patience, Not a Housekeeper!

When I separated form my first husband, I was the mother of a 3 1/2 year old son. I tried to date men who were also parents. I was not sure it was a good thing because the men still demanded time from just me, not me and my son. So back to the drawing board every time when dealing with a woman and her child was too overwhelming for them. I was OK with that because my son was the primary concern of my life and if the potential suitors didn't like it then I was better off without them.

Then one day, I met a man who was the father of a son who was 2 1/2 years younger than mine and his son lived with him! Not a weekend warrior! A man who appeared to really care about his kids. He was fine with doing activities along with my son, and not in a weird or skeevy way. My mother always had me concerned about meeting a pedophile and believe me, I think I did at least once and ran from it real fast!

The years rolled on and we decided to make it legal and we married. I am his third wife and was the only one whom he said was family oriented. I accepted his two older boys from his first wife along with their kids (I became an instant Mom-Mom) and their extended families. His youngest son from his second union was now living with his mother. We had him on weekends but there was no set schedule. Our boys got along as any stepbrothers will, with animosity and friendship seemingly interchangeable. All is well. Or so I thought . . .

Fast forward to the present, five years plus a couple months. My stepson's mother has decided to go on a vacation with her current husband. He is staying with us and it a bit complicated since I have to drive him back and forth to his school as he lives in the school district adjacent to ours. This is a two-week stint for all of us. Adjustments to a fourth person in the house takes some doing when it is more than for a long weekend. Consideration for one another takes on a whole other flavor. Schedules are changed up, especially because I am the only one who drives.

The video game is the great equalizer with the boys but the tension is so thick in the house between me and my stepson you can choke on it. He resents his mother going away yet again, and I don't like being taken for granted. He wants to do things like he does at her house, and we have rules here that he needs to understand. Yes, I know it is stricter here but by no means is this a benevolent dictatorship! I just want cooperation and good table manners and respect. He wants to go to bed when he wants, eat like a neanderthal and act like a typical teenage boy. I know I can't change the last of that, but am I really asking too much with the others?

Look, the mom exemplified as Carol Brady does not exist. There is no way on this Earth that when you throw all of us together and expect candy and roses to bloom is nonsense. Personalities alone clash constantly. And when the stepmother resents the husband's ex-wife and her lifestyle, the stepson resents the stepmother's unwelcome interaction in his life and a husband caught in the middle trying to appease everyone you have chaos! And chaos causes disasters.

I realize it is difficult for me not to criticize but I am not using a double-standard. I criticize and coach indiscriminately. Both boys get it with both barrels. After a traumatic episode yesterday, my husband pointed out that if MY son caused it he would be getting yelled at from the time he was picked up until he went to bed that night! As it was, I blew my top but I held back so that I didn't say too much I would regret.

Today, things are back to somewhat normal. I drove both kids to school, came home, had my coffee and breakfast and will take out something to cook for dinner. I will pick them up after school, at two different places at two different times and double check about their respective homework assignments and make sure they get them done. As of this writing, I am still job hunting, so it is a lucky thing I am this available.

I have no problem making a blended family. We need more than a weekend here and two weeks there or we will never have a seamless transition. Additionally, I know I can never expect it to be easy. Depending on what happens in the next few months, maybe we will have a big change in the dynamic of our household. Maybe it will be pretty much the same, with weekend warrior mentality. But I have learned a huge lesson and that is that teenage boys have raging hormones and it upsets the balance of nature and I have to learn to hold my temper in check. Being 14 is a disease cured by turning 15 which is a disease too and is cured by turning 16 and so on. As is evidenced by my older stepsons, it keeps on going into adulthood so I may as well give up and just bestow as much love as I can . . . along with plenty of my homemade cookies!

Love and hugs gang,
Beth

Discrimination is not color or race-related sometimes

I am not a skinny person, never have been and probably never will! All my life I have been overweight. I am fat. Very simple. Not chunky, big-boned, stocky, nor plump-pleasantly or otherwise. However, I do take a great offense to the headline today about how ABC refused to air and FOX wanted to edit the new Lane Bryant ad.

Here it is via YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMxyZQfMmM4

Highlight the link above and paste it into a new tab to view the commercial. Go ahead, I will wait. No really, go watch it. It is only a minute if that.

So, what did you think? Yes, it is a fat woman in lingerie. Fat women have a sex life believe it or not. They are able to carry on a relationship. And she is really pretty too. All curves. So why did the networks have such problems? They air the Victoria Secret ads during prime time television all the time. The ads are every bit as suggestive. Maybe even more so.

I suppose it dispels the myth that fat people sit at home eating pastries and watching Wheel of Fortune. How could a woman who is not built like a stick figure ever have any kind of life? I will tell you how. The woman in these ads are happy in their bodies. They are probably physically and mentally more balanced than the typical runway model. Whatever happened to the "full-figured" of the past? Marilyn Monroe dress size was a 16 on average. May West had no shortage of admirers. And Jane Russell launched a whole line of lingerie designed for real women. Going back to Napoleanic times, champagne glasses were formed by the size and shape of Marie Antionette's breast and the capacity of said glass was not the size of a shot!

I am tired of trying to buy skinny girls' clothes just blown up to fit a larger size. It reminds me of "Silly Putty" after it picks up an image from the comics and pulling it like taffy-it never looks the same. Lane Bryant and other retailers realize there is a, pardon the expression, large segment of the buying public who appreciate the thought that they should have a cloting line designed just for them. It tickled me to no end when a thin woman wanted to know if a dress came in a smaller size while shopping with her plus-sized friend. The salesperson turned to her very pleasantly and told the skinny a** to go to another store as they cannot accomodate her here. Yes! Buh Bye!

And so, as America has come to realize that real women DO have curves and can obviously turn on the men in their life, I have begun to appreciate the man in my life who loves ME, not my dress size!

Love and hugs,
Beth

Book Review: "Apron Strings: Inheriting Courage, Wisdom and . . .Breast Cancer"

I have been very fortunate to have met brave people. Those that have battled Cancer are among the most brave of all. The first who comes to mind is of course my Father. In his mid-fifties, he must have known the lumo he found on his breast was Cancer. It was ignored as was my Father's way with anything that foreshadowed a problem. After he went through a battery of tests, his worst fear was confirmed, it was Breast Cancer. He went in for a mastectomy and endured 5 years of weekly chemotherapy and various procedures meant to end the Beast, Breast Cancer.

I was very proud of my Father. He never really complained. And because of our family history of Breast Cancer, we participated in the 1st of many tests for the BRCA gene mutation. My Mom was able to get the frozen section of his pathology and it was tested as well. My results as well as Dad's came back BRCA2+. The ensuing genetic counseling helped prepare me for a course of action.



In the interim, I researched the Internet and discovered FORCE, Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered (www.facingourrisk.org). Through this wonderful organization devoted to families with history of Breast and Ovarian Cancers, I also found a new friend, Diane Tropea Greene.

Diane had written a book, "Apron Strings: Inheriting Courage, Wisdom and ... Breast Cancer". I looked in the local book stores and couldn't find it. While Diane and I emailed and talked over the phone, we got to know each other. She also sent me a signed copy of her book. She also came to the Joining FORCES Annual Conference with one of her sisters. I recommended the book to everyone who I came in contact with at the Conference as well as back home.

Diane writes:

Apron Strings: Inheriting Courage, Wisdom and... Breast Cancer is my family’s story of hope and survival against seemingly insurmountable odds. It is written, in part, to honor the memory of family members who so bravely faced their cancer with courage, grace and dignity. It is because of their strength that my generation had the perseverance to delve into our past and make tough and inconceivable choices, to emerge victorious. Their defeat has enabled our victory.

The book starts out at a family member's funeral, just one of many that have dealt with cancer. Diane herself is also a Breast Cancer survivor and the journey leads her to Genetic Testing. She discovers she too carries the BRCA gene mutation. This can and does often lead to an increased risk of not only Breast Cancer but also Ovarian, Pancreatic, Melanoma and Colon Cancer among others. The risk of the average woman is 8-12% over her lifetime. If a man or a woman carry the BRCA muation, it can increase their risk up to 90% or higher. This is another kind of journey that Diane, her sisters and other family members have chosen to take to reduce their risk.

At times very sad but alternately funny, Diane recants a true-life story of one extended family's ordeal with Cancer and how they are handling it. How do they tell the various cousins about the testing results? how can they try to halt Cancer's path in their family? And what of the next generation of children already getting to the age they might want to be tested.

I applaud Diane for being able to get the word out about Breast Cancer and beating the odds!

MRI is a loud test!

I have spent the last month or so complaining about my back. I have tried heat, ice, ibuprofen, Tylenol and rest. Nothing has really helped. I guess my husband Larry is tired of hearing about it even though his back is VERY bad from degenerative disc disease and arthritis. I always listen to his kvetching (complaining). So while we were at his pain management doctor's appointment he had me show the nurse. We were still waiting for the doctor to come in after all and had time to kill.

I showed Trish the hollow in my back at the waist and her comment was "Oh my God", so I took this to mean I better show the doctor! After he was finished with Larry and reviewing his problems, he took a look at my back. We all thought if it wasn't anything to worry about, I would just suffer along, not in silence mind you, but still muddle through. Scott, the doctor, examined it and declared it a "scoliosis". I knew I had one and obviously it had gotten worse due to my pain level. Just about everyone in my family has some degree of it, my brother's is bad enough that his one shoulder droops. My Dad had it and one leg was actually a bit shorter than the other.

According to Wikipedia:
Scoliosis (from Greek: skoliōsis meaning "crooked condition," from skolios, "crooked")[1] is a medical condition in which a person's spine is curved from side to side. Although it is a complex three-dimensional deformity, on an x-ray, viewed from the rear, the spine of an individual with a typical scoliosis may look more like an "S" or a "C" than a straight line. It is typically classified as either congenital (caused by vertebral anomalies present at birth), idiopathic (cause unknown, sub-classified as infantile, juvenile, adolescent, or adult according to when onset occurred) or neuromuscular (having developed as a secondary symptom of another condition, such as spina bifida, cerebral palsy, spinal muscular atrophy or physical trauma). This condition affects approximately 7 million people in the United States.

Well! Now I know the scientific definition. As to what to do next, Scott wrote a prescription for an X-ray as well as an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). I had one several years ago to see if there was a problem with my head (yes, obvious joke here) and also one Breast MRI before I had my mastectomies. Depending on the facility, they have different ways of administering it. First of all, it is LOUD! After you are set up on the table, you are sent into a tube, kind of space age feeling. Note to some: Yes it can feel like a coffin so see if you need one if it can be an open MRI. I like the one at Abington Hospital because they give you special headphones that are metal-free and you can request your kind of music or radio station. They have no metal otherwise the magnets in the machine would pull them off of your head!

So after the diagnostics are complete and then reviewed we will go from there. No use worrying over what will be until after they take an informed look at my back. Of course, who knows when any of it will be since the doctor's office has to get a pre-certification first! Good thing the health care system has not changed yet or I would up the river without a paddle, and you know the name of that creek I am riding on with my lousy luck!

Off to bed with my nightly regimen of OTC pain killers. I think tonight's DVD will be "The Thin Man" starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. I really enjoy this series and we have all six movies. The two actors play so well together and though the dialogue is not like a murder mystery of today and it lacks the contemporary forensics, it is a wonderfully clean, family friendly romantic comedy. Larry had no idea I even knew who the actors were let alone a huge fan of Nora and Nick Charles, the main characters. I was thrilled to know he was too! So, we will snuggle up with an old favorite tonight and see what is on tomorrow's line-up!


Enjoy your week, your family and try to laugh at life!
Love and hugs,
Beth

Happy Birthday James and Kayla!

We gathered at Jennifer and Tom's house for a kids' birthday party.  They had a very cute petting zoo  there.  I have to tell you, I was expecting poop all over and a big stinky mess.  I was wrong!  The owner followed followed all the sheep, goats and the one llama around with a brush and bucket.  No smell!  Tom shouldn't have bothered to mow the lawn since the goats and sheep were busy eating when the kids ran out of Cheerios to feed them.

Here are the photos in a slide show!

"Picnik Show"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

Love and hugs,
Beth

Spotlight on Small Business, Faith and Hope Boutique

Having been part of a family business for over 20 years, I would like to take the time on my personal blog to shine a spotlight on samll businesses, especially one that supports the cancer survivor/previvor community.

This blog is focused today on Faith and Hope Boutique, located in both Abington and Philadelphia, PA.  When I was going through my upheavals in my BRCA journey, I ended up losing my left implant following my Prophylactic Bilateral Mastectomy (PBM) due to very bad staph infections.  I was a mess emotionally because of the way I looked with a skin flap on the one side just hanging there.  I had heard about Faith and Hope Boutique  through my plastic surgeon, Dr. Brian Buinewicz (http://www.phillyplasticsurgery.com/).  He suggested I visit and see what they can help with to even out the sides.  Never having been one to wallow much, I visitied my mom and she encouraged me to go over there since the store was around the corner.

I met Jeanette first, she is pictured on the left.  She heard my long, sad and involved story.  Turns out that she and her sister, Bonnie, also had the same PBM and used Dr. B!  During Jeanette's chemotherapy and after their surgeries, neither one of them could find a store that sold the camisoles and bras needed post-surgically.  Jeanette also wanted to find nice looking hats, pretty and stylish scarves and wigs when she was also under-going chemotherapy.  So, the idea for Faith and Hope Boutique was born!  They opened the Abington store in October, 2007.  Soon afterward, an opportunity arose to open another branch located at the University of Pennsylvania.  They alternate who tends after which store.  Everything they have is there to help cancer survivors of all types.  Since Jeanette is a survivor of breast cancer(4 years now) she is very aware of what a survivor is looking for in supplies.  Bonnie, a previvor, underwent the PBM at the same time as her sister to be a support of one another.

To quote the ladies, who care about their community as well:  "Our mission is to enhance the lives of women affected by breast cancer from diagnosis, throughout their treatment and living well - beyond!  Faith & Hope Boutique is a one of a kind shop, reaching out to Survivors & Friends who are transformed, but not defined by the disease." 

Speaking for myself, I was treated with care and compassion.  When I got my mastectomy bra and fitted with a fiber-fill prosthetic, I cried and so did Jeanette.  According to Bonnie, the crying happens all the time.  You feel transformed into a swan from an ugly duckling.  I felt "normal" again, like a woman. 
The tears were happy ones as well as relief.  As I got my fills on the left side with the tissue expander, I took out pieces of the fiberfill so the tow sides were even.  I have been back for post-surgical bras that fit without irritating areas where scar tissue has formed.  I have bought survivor-themed jewelry, car magnets, hats, scarves and clothing! 

AND NOW THEY ARE ACCEPTING MEDICARE and can direct bill for their patients!  What this means is that they are slowly getting approved with other Insurers too so they can direct bill for bras and prosthetics which are considered durable medical supplies.

There have been other friends of mine who have had other cancers other than breast cancer.  I had a gift basket made up and sent to one of my former college friends when she was undergoing her chemo.  The Internet site they have displays more of the popular items they carry.  I still use the Lindy skin care products that have a good SPF content since I am at a higher risk for melanoma due to being BRCA2+.

Both ladies are also very involved in their community.  Jeanette and Bonnie both help with Young Survivors Coaltion of Greater Philadelphia (http://www.youngsurvival.org/philadelphia) and host an annual "Courage Night" in October.  Jeanette also runs the YSC support group at Gilda's Club in Warminster (http://gildasclubdelval.org/).  Bonnie is very active in the Philadelphia Outreach chapter of FORCE (http://www.facingourrisk.org/).  The Abington store also hosts a Book Club the 2nd Thursday of every month.  You can also follow them on Facebook, Faith and Hope Boutique!  All of these venues have given me a chance to meet new friends and help where I can too.

Please visit either in person or online.  The two locations are staffed by survivors and previvors who have gone through the experiences and help those in need.
Abington location:
1915 Guernsey Ave.
Abington, PA 19001
215-885-1143  Hours: closed Monday, Tues-Fri 10-6, Sat 10-3

U of P location:
Perelman Center @UPHS
3400 Civic Center Blvd.
1st Floor, suite #1-680
Philadelphia, PA 19104
215-615-3321  Hours: Mon-Fri 10-4

And of course 24/7 on the web at http://www.faithandhopeboutique.com/

If you know of a family-owned small business you would like to see spotlighted, please forward me the information!

Love and hugs,
Beth