We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.
***trigger alert***
This step, personally, is the most important. I cannot eat just one cookie. Or just one piece of chocolate. Or one donut. My self-control gene is lacking! Sometimes I'm a binger: continuing to eat when physically I'm full. I'm an emotional eater: sad or happy, depressed or excited, stressed, you name it. I'm also a "yo-yo" dieter where I follow it faithfully, lose the weight then put it back on and then some. Overall I've probably lost about 1,000 pounds! As a baby or toddler, the extra fat was cute. Now as an adult, it is not pretty and also dangerous.
Looking at all of my eating habits over the years, I've loved food. It's necessary to survive. I was surviving for three adults the way I was imbibing. One night, 12 days ago, I had made chili. Served it over rice. I tried being healthy using ground chicken, not beef. I ate two portions. Didn't need to. But that night I was uncomfortable. Couldn't sit on the sofa, not even reclining. I drank some seltzer, I don't recall why. Not five minutes later, I was throwing up. This was not the first time. I sat down and and my grandmother's picture was right there. It was that moment a switch flipped. This may sound silly, you may scoff, but I felt her calming presence. I had to do something.
I talked to my husband, Larry. I told him, I cannot do this anymore. No more sweets, cakes, candy, cookies. I can't handle it. I need to admit it to myself. I was out of control. Then I realized I was living Step One: I admitted I was powerless over food. The next day, I went to my first OA meeting and found the group very accepting.
I've got a sponsor. We've talked extensively. I send her my meal plan for the day. I measure my food. I have felt so good these past 12 days! It's a momentum that may reach its top all at once or be in peaks and valleys. No matter what, I'll work on my life.
One meal at a time.
One day at a time.
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